Dammit!

and

Weird font situation

I just read back my second post and realised that it is in a totally different font to the first one.

I was hoping it would remember my choice from last time but no such luck and now the whole thing looks a bit messy. So sorry about that.

But in keeping with my general laziness I have decided that I need to be able to blog in a laissez-faire fashion (possibly blurting out Father Jack-style obscenities random nonsense) and can't start faffing around with the font every time I write, so I'm just gonna have to stick with the default type (luckily it is not Times New Roman or Ariel).

Schizophrenic coffee

Jaime wants a cappuccino.

Jaime cannot have a cappuccino.

Because I am in control now, and I have created the new law, which states that we only drink black coffee, and save our calories for more authentic treats such as chocolate fudge cake, spaghetti bolognese, and apple crumble. You do not question the law as it is stated by me.

I have spoken.

Introducing Jaime

Here’s the thing. I’ve got this alter ego. Jaime Matisse, I’ve called her. Not sure why my alter ego is French, since I am not. I just thought it sounded pretty and arty and kind of free-spirit-y.

Ok, so far so good. Except it’s a bit silly to have an alter ego if she isn’t going to actually do anything. So I thought, Aha! I’ll write a blog. But now I’ve got this obligation. And it’s not like anything that crazy or risqué or revolutionary happens to me that I could just put it in a blog and people would read it and think, well, I can see why she hasn’t used her real name.

Then I thought maybe I could do a blog where I just post a poem a day. Then at least I’d know what was expected of me with each entry, instead of having to think about exciting episodes from my actual life. But then I thought that actually a poem a day sounded like a lot of work, and what if I didn’t want to write every day, and what if I went on holiday, or I had to spend all day waiting outside a bus station in Wood Green because I lost my phone and my keys on the 184, and didn’t have time to write?

So now I want to message Jaime’s 5 friends on Facebook and say, Sorry everyone, forget the whole alter ego thing, I’m calling it off! But I can’t, because what if, by doing this, I instantly confirm forever that I am a silly person who doesn’t finish what she starts?

Or what if secretly, hundreds of people have seen Jaime on Facebook, but been too shy to add her as a friend? Or they've read her script on the vaio site and said to themselves, I can tell from the way she writes that this girl is a genius! Quick, get Scorsese on the phone! And all these people are waiting with baited breath to see what my first blog entry will be? I couldn’t possibly let them all down before we’ve even been introduced.

So here goes. It’s a blog, but I’m warning you right now that this blogger is a LAZY so-and-so, totally likely to write one blog entry and then leave you hanging on for months before following it up. So if you’re the type of blog-reader to demand your money back and leave nasty comments using lots of indecipherable text-speak and bad punctuation, I suggest you stop reading NOW.