Introducing Jaime

Here’s the thing. I’ve got this alter ego. Jaime Matisse, I’ve called her. Not sure why my alter ego is French, since I am not. I just thought it sounded pretty and arty and kind of free-spirit-y.

Ok, so far so good. Except it’s a bit silly to have an alter ego if she isn’t going to actually do anything. So I thought, Aha! I’ll write a blog. But now I’ve got this obligation. And it’s not like anything that crazy or risqué or revolutionary happens to me that I could just put it in a blog and people would read it and think, well, I can see why she hasn’t used her real name.

Then I thought maybe I could do a blog where I just post a poem a day. Then at least I’d know what was expected of me with each entry, instead of having to think about exciting episodes from my actual life. But then I thought that actually a poem a day sounded like a lot of work, and what if I didn’t want to write every day, and what if I went on holiday, or I had to spend all day waiting outside a bus station in Wood Green because I lost my phone and my keys on the 184, and didn’t have time to write?

So now I want to message Jaime’s 5 friends on Facebook and say, Sorry everyone, forget the whole alter ego thing, I’m calling it off! But I can’t, because what if, by doing this, I instantly confirm forever that I am a silly person who doesn’t finish what she starts?

Or what if secretly, hundreds of people have seen Jaime on Facebook, but been too shy to add her as a friend? Or they've read her script on the vaio site and said to themselves, I can tell from the way she writes that this girl is a genius! Quick, get Scorsese on the phone! And all these people are waiting with baited breath to see what my first blog entry will be? I couldn’t possibly let them all down before we’ve even been introduced.

So here goes. It’s a blog, but I’m warning you right now that this blogger is a LAZY so-and-so, totally likely to write one blog entry and then leave you hanging on for months before following it up. So if you’re the type of blog-reader to demand your money back and leave nasty comments using lots of indecipherable text-speak and bad punctuation, I suggest you stop reading NOW.